I hope mine doesn't look like that
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
