my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had to cum in my sink.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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