am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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