1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
