so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
