So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
