im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
