it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
