he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
