I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
