My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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