I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
