sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
