How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
