this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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