Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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