just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
