I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
