So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
