3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
