Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
