Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
