Where did you get a picture of my penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
