Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
