Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
