Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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