When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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