Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
