I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
