this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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