sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
