i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
