Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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