who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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