I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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