i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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