That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
