Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
