My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
false alarm, still single
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