dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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