i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
