Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
