I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
