I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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