A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
