i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
