He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
