seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
