Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
