Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
